And They Wonder Why I Hate Shopping
by 4lackofabettername
Summary: Calvin goes to the mall to try to find Hobbes a birthday gift. One shot, just for laughs.


_A/N: I don't own Calvin and Hobbes._

"**CALVIN, THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M CALLING YOU! YOU'RE GOING TO MISS THE BUS! _LET'S GO!"_**

The six-year old grumbled angrily as his mother rudely interuppted the amazing dream he was having where he could fly. It was winter outside and when he got out of bed he was greeted with a cold room. Shivering, he went to his dresser to pick out his clothes for the day.

He heard the bedsheets rustle, and was surprised when Hobbes got out of the bed, all smiles. Usually Hobbes would gripe about him letting in cold air, but today he seemed like he couldn't wait to be up and at 'em.

"Someone's in a good mood this morning." Calvin said.

"How can I not be?" Hobbes said, dancing around the room. "Today's my birthday!"

Calvin stood there, mouth agape. "Wait, WHAT?! I didn't know your birthday was today!"

"It's all I've been talking about this week!" Hobbes said.

Calvin suddenly came upon a terrifying revelation: he had completely forgotten to get Hobbes a present.

"Ooh, I can't WAIT to open presents tonight!" Hobbes exclaimed with glee.

"Uh, yeah. After school, right?" Calvin stuttered, sweating lightly.

"Yeah. I wanna have time to celebrate with you!" Hobbes said.

Calvin knew he was in a pickle. How could he have enough time to get Hobbes a present?

But then, he thought up one of his infamous plans and a smile grew on his face.

"Well, I better get going. Happy birthday, Hobbes."

"Thanks, buddy!" The tiger said, hugging him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Calvin was sitting at his desk, waiting for the perfect time to execute his plan, which he had written on a piece of paper:

Get permission to use bathroom

Escape school and go to mall

Get Hobbes's present

"Foolproof." Calvin thought, grinning.

Miss Wormwood was at the board, currently teaching a history lesson. "Okay class, can anyone tell me who discovered America in 1492?"

Calvin put his hand up.

"Calvin?" Miss Wormwood called on him.

"Can I use the bathroom?" Calvin asked.

"If you answer the question."

Calvin froze, as of course he didn't know the answer. "Uh, uh...Gandalf?"

The class erupted into laughter and Miss Wormwood rolled her eyes.

"You can go, Calvin." She sighed. Calvin jumped up and raced out.

"That was easy." He said, taking off for the mall.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The shopping mall seemed bigger than Calvin remembered.

It was absolutely PACKED. Adults towered over him, carrying shopping bags and occasionally screaming kids and totally obscuring his vision.

"I need to get a better view." Calvin said. Then he saw a maintenance worker who was fixing a table leg near the food court on his knees. He ran over and just as the man was standing up, Calvin jumped onto his shoulders.

"HEY!" the man yelled, grabbing at Calvin. "Get off of me!"

Calvin spotted it: an electronics store just across from his position. He could find a girft for Hobbes there!

Suddenly, the man grabbed a hold of him and put him back on the ground.

"What the heck was THAT?" The man said angrily, walking away.

Calvin raced toward the shop and went inside. Tablets, phones, music players, TV's and video game systems all caught his eye.

"What would Hobbes like?" Calvin thought. Then he saw Iphones on display.

"Aha!" he said. He waved a passing employee and said he'd like to buy one.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"_**EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS?!" **_Calvin yelled. **_"HOW ON EARTH COULD YOU POSSIBLY JUSTIFY CHARGING THAT MUCH FOR A PHONE?!"_**

"Not us, kid. Apple decides the prices. Now could you please stop shouting?" the poor employee said.

Calvin walked out in a rage, clutching the twenty dollar bill he had in his hand. _**"JUST YOU WATCH, APPLE! I'M GONNA SUE YOUR PANTS OFF!"**_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Calvin sat at the food court in sadness. He had searched three more stores, wrestling another six-year-old for a special edition Captain Napalm and almost getting killed in a crowd of teenage girls when they dashed at some boy toy celebrity who was going a meet and greet.

"Great. I can't find a gift for Hobbes. And it's almost the end of school; I gotta go home soon or my parents will be suspicious. What do I do?!" Calvin said.

Then he turned and looked at the Wal-Mart. They had a big flyer that said,

"TUNA ON SALE! 10 CANS FOR $20!"

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Why didn't I think of that before?" he muttered, running toward the store.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey Calvin!" said Hobbes as Calvin walked into his bedroom. "You're home! Now we can celebrate!"

"I see you didn't pounce me." Calvin said.

"I decided to show some mercy today." Hobbes said. "But watch out for tomorrow."

Calvin unzipped his backpack and pulled out a hastily wrapped stack of something. "Happy birthday, best buddy!"

Hobbes tore it open and gasped. "10 cans of tuna?! Holy guacamole! You souldn't have!"

Calvin grinned at how easily satisfied his friend was. "Oh yeah, and this too." Calvin said, giving Hobbes a big hug.

"Thanks, little buddy." Hobbes hugged back.

"_**CALVIN! I JUST GOT A CALL FROM MISS WORMWOOD SAYING YOU SKIPPED SCHOOL! YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE YOUNG MAN!"**_

"Oh, crap." Calvin muttered.

_The End!_


End file.
